I’ve stared at a blank page now for several days. My goal was to have my first blog post completed on July 6. Like many things in my life as of late, I’ve been putting it off. Not sure what to write. Not sure where to start. Almost a month later, here I am. Finally ready to put this live! As my procrastination would have it, today is actually my Day 30 of TheWhole30 (more on this experience in my next post)! I don’t think the timing could be any more perfect.
This isn’t my first go at blogging. Several years ago, a super-wonderful friend of mine started an amazing Paleo-friendly product called Nutcase Crunch. I was a “guest blogger: (no one had any clue who I was!) for several months. Documenting my fitness and weight-loss journey, until finally we both became occupied by other things and sadly both have fallen by the wayside.
My health is something that has been an all-encompassing focus on my life. If you’ve known me for any extended period of time, you also know that I’ve always “struggled” with my weight. Unfortunately, this has become synonymous with me. The sad part about it all is, I know what works for my body. I know how I have I have to eat, the frequency that I need to work out, what foods are suspect. The problem is that I have become less and less disciplined to do it over the years.
This lack of discipline has resulted in about 100 lbs. of extra weight – yes, 100. This isn’t me comparing myself to my high school weight. This is real talk about a weight I need to and should be. This means that I have friends and coworkers that have never seen me as “fit”. They hear about it, but it probably sound to them more like finding a unicorn. Sure they’ve seen pictures, but they only know me as this girl. The girl who gets on her way for a little while, starts to get there, and then is back to her old habits vs. making smart choices, excuses in tow.
My weight gain has not only changed me physically, it has changed and impacted me in more ways than I sometimes feel I’m able to control. It’s a bit of a monster that has the ability to make me any variety of insecure, moody, jealous, sensitive, exhausted, or unmotivated on any given day. I’ve avoided going places, or I’ve picked less busy times to go places, in order to not see as many people or risk running into someone that I may not have seen awhile. I don’t want them to see me like “this”. The overwhelming feeling of being uncomfortable in my own skin and no clothes can help to cover that up, and often seem to only make the problem worse.
And I’m sick of it. I’m finally back at that point where I’ve really just had enough. And this will not be a reset followed by years and years of more resets. This time has to be different. I’ve let this go for so long, that I don’t have a choice. For my health, for my husband, for my family and friends, for ME and my overall happiness. The HAS to be it.
There will no longer be the days of avoiding a mirror. There will no longer be the days of not feeling social. Gone are the days, where I sit on my bed and cry, because it’s too hot in Texas to wear a cardigan over my sleeveless dress to hide my arms, that my boobs are so out of control in a strapless bra (and not in any sort of a good way), where I shift my shirt and body to avoid calling attention to my stomach bulging from my shirt. And most importantly, gone are the days where I feel so much anger at what I’ve done to myself that I sometimes allow myself to take it out on everyone else in the varying shapes of moods I’ve listed above. These days are gone.
I know this isn’t me! I am social, confident (mostly), funny (if I do say so myself), motivated, dedicated, and caring! And I won’t let the poor choices I’ve made control me. I’m holding myself accountable for every action that I take until I’m back to where I know I can be.
All that said… I’m so happy to officially introduce you to YOLO on a Yoyo! This blog will be ups and downs of life (yoyo), while living it to the fullest (YOLO!). I promise you that this will not just be another blog about weight struggles and getting to fit. It’s going to be about life, support, encouragement and empowerment! This will be all about getting back to good, from start to infinity, putting it all out there – the great, the not-so-good, and the ugly. I’m so excited to share this with you!